Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
