my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
