She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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