her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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