I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
