No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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