Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
