It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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