It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
