he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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