is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
