On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
