She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
