You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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