Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We named our party play list daddy issues
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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