Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
