Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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