Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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