My sheets look like a crime scene.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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