I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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