We're facebook friends in real life
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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