Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
