I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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