carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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