One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
