I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
