she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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