sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
