I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
