i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
