remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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