So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
These tits shall not be calmed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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