You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
