i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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