We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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