your room smells of hookers.
And success
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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