I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
