I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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