my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
