So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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