I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
