You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
