Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
