He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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