Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Randomize
