I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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