We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
