I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
