Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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