But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
