Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
